Toddy

Fire

Inside my ears, and its fingers

Wrapped around my cranium like

An electric hairnet.

I can feel my pulse in my Occipital lobe,

A thundering base line to a  Klingon opera.

One drug. Two drugs. Three drugs.

Four.

To no relief. I beg the

Big guns…

Knife in my ear.

Sweet release.

Bash my brains in.

Sweet release.

Tase me. Tase me good. Tase me til i fall

to the ground and the pain

goes away.  Aah, sweet release.

But my hands cannot comply.

My head is swollen.

I cannot hear.

And my eyes beg for mercy with each lumen received.

Customer support sits in a Lucy stand

At the back of my brain and tells me

To reboot.

As if i haven’t thought of that.

That’s what the drugs were for.

But the pain continues and

I cannot take

The cage of nails surrounding my skull

Any more.

Any more.

No more.

Shaking and weak, i boil the water.

Eyes closed to block out light, i find the bag by memory.

I lift the bottle, its weight an anvil

Add the poison to my tea.

Sweet release, oh yes!

It lights a fire in my belly that competes

With the one in my head

And wins. My room is growing dark.

I cannot lift my head.

My body like lead.

Sweet release.

Thank God.

Sweet release.

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